Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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