So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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