The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
