Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
