literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
