pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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