my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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