white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
