I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Let's get the cat blown out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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