i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
