Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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