Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
