you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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