I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
