i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
