awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
