This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
