I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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