"it" just moved
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
MIDGETS
????
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
