well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
