fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have fence marks all over my body
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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