Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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