i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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