In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why are your pants in the freezer?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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