no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
