Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
