sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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