Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
