...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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