i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
