She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
