Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
