New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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