Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
