she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
