I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
