I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
