I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
