I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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