you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
