It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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