Michael Bay diarrhea
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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