I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
