The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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