I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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