He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
