I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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