4 words: hood of his car
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
