I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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