He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
