mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
