You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
